So last night I come home from my softball game (having lost 97% of all liquid in my body having sweat it out) wearing a hat, a purple Faith Family Church shirt, shorts, cleats, and a baseball glove in my hand. Oh, and I was and also half covered in dirt. This is pretty typical for a Monday night since every Monday night for the past couple of months I have played softball. Suffice it to say, it should have been quite obvious to pretty much anyone who hadn’t smoked themselves stupid in the ’70s that I had been playing softball. Not five seconds after I walk in, one of my roommates asks “What’ve ya been up to bro?”

What the flip do you think I was up to?

“Oh well actually I just got done taking swing dance lessons. No no, wait, I was actually just released from prison.” I mean honestly… So as if that wasn’t enough of a “here’s your sign” moment, later on that night, I fall asleep on the couch listening to my iPod. The same roommate walks up, and kicks my leg which is hanging over the side of the couch and asks “What are you doin man?”

He’s a real champ.

I say “Well I was sleeping but uh not so much now. Why?”"Oh sorry bro, I didn’t mean to interrupt you”

What the %^#@ ???

What do you mean you didn’t mean to disturb me? Did you accidentally lift your foot the 3 feet off the floor it took to kick my leg? Did your body suddenly convulse? Do you have some sort of disorder causing you to go around uncontrollably kicking things? These are not rhetorical questions here. I want to know. Like I said… a real champ.

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