You’d think I’d learn… well maybe not if you know me but everyone else would. Maybe I should give you the background info first. Let me tell you this story hinges on two facts:

1. It’s never good to hear only a small bit of a conversation. It can give you wrong impression.
2. When sitting in a bathroom stall you can’t really tell when someone enters or leaves the bathroom.

A while back my buddy Tim (aka timmay from his comments on here) drove out to some one-stoplight town in Missouri. I know what you’re thinking… but this is not going to be another slam on MO, although I have plenty more where those came from don’t you worry.

Anyway, we stop at a gas station for some drinks and to hit the john. Well on the way in Tim and I start talking about weird comments or conversations we’ve heard in the bathroom. You know, just random stuff you hear when you walk in and two people are talking. You invariably come in during the worst part of the conversation and hear something like “So that’s how he got crabs” or something like that. So we continue our conversation on into the john (we’re the only ones at the gas station and certainly the only ones in the men’s room) and start making up things that would be funny to hear. Well, apparently I took a bit longer and Tim walked out while I’m talking to him. Didn’t let me know he was leaving and was pretty quiet about the whole thing. Coincidentally enough, just as he leaves some other kid walks in. I say “Oh good lord, thats gonna be a mess” expecting Tim to laugh. I hear nothing. “Thats a bit strange” I say to myself. I kinda thought that was funny. Anyway about that time I walk out to wash my hands and this 13 year old kid is at the sink. He looks at me with this expression like I just stomped on a kitten or something.

After a few seconds I realize that this poor kid only heard me in the stall saying “oh good lord that’s gonna be a mess.” I kept a pretty straight face as I told Tim the story but then when we walked past the kid and his family and I heard him whisper “That’s the guy!” I died.

Fast forward to last night. I’m out to dinner with a group of friends and I get a nose-bleed. Not a big deal right? I just go to the bathroom to clean up a bit. I stop the bleeding and duck into a stall to get a bit of toilet paper. My phone rings and it’s my fiance checking on me. “You ok hun?” “Yeah, it’s still bleeding but I’m fine… I’ll be out in a minute”. As I leave the stall I realize that once again, someone has come in unnoticed by me and he’s laughing. I quickly replay the whole scene in my head and realize what’s happened.

This poor sap walked in and the guy in the stall next to him says “Yeah, its still bleeding but I’m fine… I’ll be out in a minute.” From here on out I’m instituting a no talking in the bathroom rule. Its better for everyone this way. Trust me.

Popularity: 5% [?]